And a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night

So I decided to take a long, hot shower to try to relax after a hard day of killing pets. I'm getting ready to climb in when there's a banging at the bathroom door. I usually don't lock the door when I take a shower, because I hate it when the kids bang on the door. But tonight they have three friends spending the night, and I still like privacy outside of the family.

Me: What? I'm fixing to take a shower!
Sophia: Mom, do you want to know what Clara did?
Me: No.
Sophia: I think you need to come out here.
Me: WHAT did she do, Sophia?
Sophia: She can't open her eyes.
Me: WHY?
Sophia: She put gum in her eyelashes.
Me: Get your dad. I'm getting in the shower.

Of course, this just ruined my shower. I had to hurry through the shower, and I came out to find Rob rubbing on her eyelash with a washcloth. I did a quick google search and found a website that said melted milk chocolate would dissolve gum on eyelashes. Worth a shot. I put a piece of my special chocolate bar that I'm saving for a day like, well, today, on a Scooby Doo plate and put it in the microwave. I stood up on a chair to watch the chocolate to make sure it didn't melt too much. Suddenly, the microwave started making all these popping noises. Earlier today, Eve put aluminum foil in the microwave, so I assumed she'd broken it and that explained the noises. Not so. I opened the microwave and grabbed the plate. It was fire-hot and burned my finger. When I got a pot holder, I looked at the bottom of the plate: Do not use in microwave. Great. The chocolate wasn't really melted, but it was soft. I put my finger in it to wipe it across Clara's eyelash. No, I'm not retarded. I've just had a very bad day. Yes, I burned my finger again. When the chocolate cooled, I put it on Clara's lashes and hid out in Sophia and Juliet's room to call my mom and get some comfort. While I was on the phone, Clara wiped the chocolate off, so I don't know if it actually would have worked, and I wasn't willing to sacrifice any more of my special chocolate to find out. I put a gob of peanut butter on her next, but that didn't work. I've sent Clara to bed with gummy eyelashes, and I'm wondering if we're going to have to take a trip to the doctor's office tomorrow.

My parents are coming for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to that. Days like today will still happen, but I'll have my mommy and daddy here to see me through. Rob's not much help. He's just like me--just trying to survive parenthood.